Comics: Danny DeVido; Mitch Fatel; Todd Barry; Jim David
Clubcomedy: Hi, everyone! It's Saturday Night in the Big Town!! We're live at Caroline's Comedy Club, in the heart of Manhattan. I'm your host, Jennifer Rogers. Are you ready to play another round of STUMP THE STANDUP?
Many comedians have played Caroline's over the years: such luminaries as Judy Tenuta, Richard Lewis, Jerry Seinfeld, Richard Belzer, Jay Leno, Pee Wee Herman, Sandra Bernhardt, Billy Crystal, and many, many more.
Tonight, inspired by those greats, we'll play STUMP THE STANDUP with professional funnypersons! The comics you will meet are performing in Caroline's famous weekly All Star Showcase.
Clubcomedy.
Use the Interact with Host button to send questions, comments, quips to our virtual stage (actually the Lounge downstairs at Caroline's). If the comic who's up cannot think of a quick comeback when your question appears on the screen for all to see, you may win an ABC ONLINE TEE SHIRT!
We'll take your questions just as quickly as they come in, and we pledge to get to as many as possible. Now let's put our hands together for tonight's first standup comic whose ad libs are quicker than a speeding bullet (or else you get that tee shirt...)! Here's.....
DANNY DEVIDO
Clubcomedy : Danny works on the Bill Maher show, Politically Incorrect; is a mainstay of Comedy Central... Now, our first question...
Question: How can you tell a comedian who just needs work vs one who is not funny?
DEVIDO: Are you a comedian who neeeds work, or are you a comedian who is not funny? I am *really* funny and I'm workin' right now!
Question: What's a golfer's favorite drink?
DEVIDO: Club soda.
Question: Is it true that comedians live sheltered, miserable, lonely lives?
DEVIDO: y
Question: What did Ronald Goldman say to Nicole Brown Simpson when they met in heaven?
DEVIDO: Pretty cutthroat situation here!
Question: What's the meaning of life?
DEVIDO: Alternate side of the street parking.
Question: Danny, you're pretty short aren't you?
DEVIDO: I'm very tall and look nothing like the other Danny DeVi*t*o.
Question: What's your favorite Jewish wild-west town?
DEVIDO: The H'okay Corral.
Question: Did Carla ever actually sleep with Sam on Cheers???
DEVIDO: No, she was too much of a woman for him....
Question: Why do dogs bark and cats meow?
DEVIDO: Cuz one has 9 lives and the other is pissed off about it!
Clubcomedy: MITCH FATEL IS HERE!!!! HE'S GONNA RELIEVE DANNY, WHO HAS TO GO INSIDE AND PERFORM. THANKS, DANNY!
Clubcomedy: MITCH IS THE KING OF DOWNLOADS...Go to Keyword: JOKES>>Library>>Text>>5/27 Stump the Standup Transcript... IT IS FAMOUS!!
Clubcomedy: HERE WE GO WITH MITCH FATEL... HE SAYS HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY JOKES AT ALL...ASK HIM *QUESTIONS*... THAT MAKES IT A CHALLENGE...
Question: What do you call Newt Gingrich and Bob Dole sitting in the front seats of your car?
FATEL: Crash test dummies.
Question: What did the nuns say after seeing NINE MONTHS?
Clubcomedy : TEE SHIRT -- . Brett 1147, send your real name & address with proof of answer to JenRogers via email!
Question: Do we have to use the INTERACT mode to participate???
FATEL: How should I know? I am a comedian, not a scientist. I barely got outta high school -- that's why I do this for a living!
Question: Are you sure your last name is not Patel?
FATEL: I'm not really sure what my last name is -- I haven't met my dad....
Question: Given your answers, why do you consider this comedy?
FATEL: I dunno. Given your lack of chromosomes, why do you consider yourself human?
Question: Does the O.J jury have sex?
FATEL: They're going on a field trip with the Susan Smith jury and anything can happen!
Question: How does Madonna clean up after sex?
FATEL: I'll watch tonight!
Question: If Spam is bad meat, then what is Bad SPAM?
FATEL: See above question...
Question: Yo Mitch can you hear me?
FATEL: I'm sorry -- can you repeat that?
Question: Hey Mitch, are you really that "fatal" Fatel?
FATEL: No, I'm the "fetal" Fatel.
Question: Are you funnier than Danny?
FATEL: Who isn't? The guy who asked the SPAM question is funnier than Danny!!
Question: What is the difference between Clinton and Bush?
FATEL: Okay, Clinton isn't married to the Quaker Oats guy.
Question: WHY DON'T MICHIMAN FANT GO TO THE BEACH?
FATEL: Okay, folks, I'm gonna have to ask for questions that make sense. I'm sorry to have to say this... it' s my only rule!
Clubcomedy: MARGARET CHO IS HERE!!! SHE JUST HEADLINED... MITCH IS KISSING HER.. THAT'S WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG... NOW HE'S WONDERING IF HE CAN TAKE HER HOME TONITE...
Clubcomedy: NOPE, SHE JUST LEFT...SUCKING CEPESTAT AND CARRYING A ROSE..SHE DID A GREAT SHOW TONITE...BIG CROWD!!
Clubcomedy: ALL THE BLOOD HAS JUST LEFT MITCH'S HEAD... HE IS NOT VERY AWARE RIGHT NOW...
Clubcomedy: WE HAD A LITTLE CHAT WITH MARGARET CHO RE CENSORSHIP ON AOL... (SHE'S BACK ON!!! HER ACCOUNT HAS BEEN REINSTATED)...UNFORTUNATELY, HER TV SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELLED -- BY ABC...OH, WELL...
Clubcomedy: BACK TO MITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
FATEL: Oh great, I bet you're happy about that!
Question: What goes with toe jam?
FATEL: I'll ask Margaret tonite!
Question: Have you ever found yourself in a FATAL experience on stage?
FATEL: You know, I'm gonna change my stupid last name. From now on, I'm MITCH CHO.
Question: r ugonna kill us with your jokes?
FATEL: Yes -- right after I teach you proper spelling....I just kissed Margaret Cho... you can all eat me!
Clubcomedy: Okay, Mitch, move over...you can come back later...and many thanks! NOW HERE IS TODD BARRY.....HE IS A REGULAR ON STUMP THE STANDUP... AND HE'S SOMETIMES ON LETTERMAN, TOO.
ClubComedy: SEND IN QUESTIONS FOR TODD BARRY...
ClubComedy:Here's one from NiteThief...
Question: Do you know what my screen name means?
TODD BARRY: No, but I'm terribly intrigued...
Question: What do you think of Hugh Grant compared to "the unabomber"?
TODD BARRY: What do I think of Hugh Grant vs the *Nite Thief*??
Question: Why can't a comedian stay for the whole session?
TODD BARRY: Because I'm a Nite Thief...
Question: Why are golfers terrible at sex?
TODD BARRY: I don't know the actual punch line, but I bet it has something to do with....balls.
Question: Why didn't you get a kiss from Mitch?
TODD BARRY: I got a cyberkiss from Mitch.
Question: Make up a poem about my screen name! Love, Auraring
TODD BARRY: Auraring, Auraring/Kiss my corathing.
Question: What's a hormone?
Clubcomedy : TEE SHIRT -- send your real name & address & proof of answer to JenRogers via email..congrats!
Question: Does Letterman have "cigar breath"?
TODD BARRY: I didn't kiss him.
Question: Hi! What do you dream about???
TODD BARRY: A world without computer geeks.
Question: Why should I come see you live?
TODD BARRY: Cuz I throw candy into the crowd.
Question: My joke was the funniest...do I win?
TODD BARRY: Yeah, you win, go outside and get your prize.
Question: Can you answer anything without using "Nite Thief"?
TODD BARRY: Of coure NIte Thief I can Nite Thief!
Clubcomedy : TODD HAS TO GO PERFORM... DANNY IS ONSTAGE INSIDE RIGHT NOW...MITCH IS IN THERE WATCHING HIM...
Clubcomedy : SO SEND IN YOUR BEST CHAT ROW EFFORTS... GET TOGETHER WITH THE GUYS IN YOUR ROW AND LABEL YOUR QUESTION. TEE SHIRT FOR THE ROW FOREMAN IF YOUR JOKE IS BROADCAST!
Question: row 3, why did the chicken cross the road?
Clubcomedy: Row 3, nice try , but for this phase of the game, you have to give us the answer, too.
Question: Q: What's big and round and sticks so far out of a man's pajamas he can hang his hat on it? A: His head ROW 10
Clubcomedy : OK.. Jonny, you get a tee shirt! Send in real name and address, etc.
Clubcomedy: NOW HERE IS COMEDIAN JIM DAVID, ONE OF OUR FAVORITES! Jim is seen in NYC at Caroline's and Stand Up New York -- as well as all over the country.
Question: Hey JIM!! I saw you at U.of Cincinnati in Oct. of 1993! And a NACA National Convention in 1994!! How's life?
JIM DAVID: Oh wow! I can't believe you remember my name! Can I lick the hem of your garment. Actually, life is a big fat pile of wonderfulness. Life is my room and I work it. ps: Hire me again!
Question: Did you kiss Margareth Cho too?
JIM DAVID: Actually, we exchanged metaphors.
Question: Who were u before now?
JIM DAVID: I was VO5 spokeswoman Rula Lenska.
Question: Do we have to resend our jokes every time the comedian changes or are they on "file"?
JIM DAVID: They have been stored in an undisclosed portion of my anatomy.
Question: You've got a GREAT act! I laughed so hard...my face hurt!
JIM DAVID: Where did you see me? Who are you? Would you like to have sex?
Question: Will you Please ask ME a question?
JIM DAVID: Yes. Don't you have anything better to do on a Saturday night at 12:55 AM than to ask inane questions across the internet?... I love this business! This business is a crack-up! How else could I make a living answering stupid effin questions online, while I eat???
Clubcomedy: Jim is enjoying a plate of fusilli while we do this.
Question: Hey Jim, I have no idea who you are. Are you funny?
JIM DAVID: I am beyond hysterical. I am lethal. In fact, I am reponsible for Eva Gabor's heart attack.
Question: Does Jimmy crack corn?
JIM DAVID: I don't care.
Question: Jim...I don't head the Programming Committee anymore...but let me know if you get booked at Go Bananas in Montgomery, OH...or at any college near UC!
JIM DAVID: Go bananas, in Montgomery Ohio? Somehow I doubt it!
Question: Mr. Comedy, Save my future preserve my dreams. I am but a starving student please give me a tee-shirt so I may go to classes as a gal they do not allow me stark, I cannot afford it any other way, please but one Tee is all I need. Save Tommarow. Thanks!
JIM DAVID: Bless your sweet little heart. I would advise getting a life as soon as possible. Live long and prosper and laugh at the expense of others -- of course you may have one of ABC's tee shirts.
Clubcomedy : DreamFite, send in your real name and address to JenRogers via email!
Clubcomedy : THIS IS THE LAST QUESTION... OUTTA TIME
Question: Have you ever Metaphor you didn't like?
JIM DAVID: No, but I have led a Horticulture -- but I couldn't make her think!
Clubcomedy : BYE EVERYBODY... SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!!
